My Precision Reignites
L i t e r a c y
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there isn`t anymore pain,
life`s now like sunshine and no rain
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just like a fairytale,
my dream came true
it became real
since i found you
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in pure anxiety i wait
of whats the next take,
i hope it isnt a break
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all i need is a miracle,
perhaps this is just any obstacle
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staring into the night
all alone but thats alright,
it`s the feeling deep inside that i dont like
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when will i ever see the light,
or that happy face so bright ?
if only my fairytale could turn to reality,
then there won`t be anymore agony
Read Here
Thursday, May 25, 2006
-Thursday, May 25, 2006
Much thanks to ShiYun and Elmo. You`re always there for me when I need you - a listening ear and someone to shed those painful tears to. But why is it that I`m never there for you when you needed a shoulder to cry on or even someone to lean on ? ):
Sometimes I feel like I`m a jinx, ruining the moods of everyone.
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I`m such a let down. Why can`t I be the one to blame ? I`m sincerely sorry for what has happened. I really am. I know you may not be here to read this. But I just wanna let it out. Maybe I should have thought harder of the consequences rather than being the self-centred me and make things go my way. However, now I feel so sinful - breaking such a lovely couple like you guys up. My mistake. I overlooked things that caused the matter to turn out this way. I didn`t expect it either. But I seriously hope that everything would be fine for you guys. Hope I can help you both patch things up (not with any sort of evil intentions but sincerely) and help things return to how they used to be - carefree and happy.
I may not know you personally, but I think it isn`t entirely his fault. I`m to blame. I understand how you feel towards the whole situation but he really is a good guy. So treasure him just as much as how he treasures you and you`re beautiful relationship that you both share. I`ll be hoping for good news from you. Else, why would I let those tears run my eyes dry whilst over the phone ? You`re very blessed to be able to have met him. So don`t fret.
I`m extremely sorry for being the cause, once again.
_______________________________
Another thing - regarding yesterday`s entry. I`m still and always brooding over it. I just always seem to tear, just like over the phone with my dear Elmo just now. Maybe cause I know I can`t be doing what I enjoy in life for work. And being literally 'forced' to go do some Insurance stuff which I know nuts about. Or that I`ll be seeing my fellow classmates proceeding joyfully on to their desired JC/Poly while I can`t. I fucking won`t even get a damn diploma god damn it ! What will society look at me with ? Arrogant eyes ?
Why can`t I be like the rest ? Leading a normal education route. Okay, if you say 'Then what`s gonna happen to my business ? Go down the drain ?!' Or, 'Don`t waste another 2,3 years going Poly while you could be working in my company earning money and getting Insurance experience ? Who knows - maybe in a few years time, you could be earning 2 to 3k a month ?'
I understand you`re point but I just don`t know why I feel so depressed. Even if you just tell me 'Just pass you`re O-levels would be enough' Well, that is the most demoralising statement I could hear time and time again, which you`re simply oblivious to and not realising it at all, to not help me with my struggle for better grades. I don`t even think I have the motivation to work hard for the up-coming O-levels examination anymore now knowing that I can` t even attend my desired course not even to mention - a Poly. Why are you so nonchalant about it ?
People will eventually start to look down on me. Why is it that my younger sis gets to continue her studies and get on to her JC-life next year while my bro and I can`t ? Just because you think our studies ain`t good enough for you and you don`t wanna waste you`re precious money sending us for further tertiary education.
Would this really be my final year as a student ?
Will I really have to go out into the real working-world working full-time for good ?
I wanna know. .
