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Wednesday, September 28, 2005
-Wednesday, September 28, 2005
today was terrible, i`ve consumed. .
1. nuggets
2. ice peach tea
3. egg bread
4. 2 sets of rice with steamed fish, plain brinjal and brinjal with sliced tomato etc, tofu with minced meat ( lunch and dinner )
5. 2 bowls of potato soup (lunch and dinner )
6. 2 cups of grass jelly with lime ( lunch and dinner )
7. a cream puff my mum bought and told me to eat right away which i was already extremely bloated by then
i`ve had a really bad tummy ache probably because my stomach couldnt take it then. maybe its expanded too x: lol. but thank god, its okay now (: you can ask fel about it too. she`s my witness
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
-Tuesday, September 27, 2005
she`s my forever-best sis ! (: loveya sandra ! <3
and thanks oh-so-much for the lovely pearl hphone chain, although i havent seen it yet, but im sure its beautiful and i`ll love it ! he hee
-Tuesday, September 27, 2005
before meeting san
Sunday, September 25, 2005
-Sunday, September 25, 2005
given my very short-term memory, i guess it brought much trouble to me. or rather, i bring trouble around with me ): its like, i THINK she`s this cold towards me because i forgot her 18th birthday. it totally slipped off my mind. and i`ve been thinking what i did wrong the past night until now that i`ve come to this unexpected conclusion. oh well, my fault ):
the whole of yesterday night really hit me. i`ve been worrying about it throughout the whole time but at the same time, not daring to ask her whats wrong. its like really how stupid can i ever get lor. i know she must be thinking why didnt i at least wish her a happy birthday. and probably expected me to give her a surprise like a gift because of that ? but unfortunately, i was still too dumb to even realise. you can say that im idiotic, silly or i simply think too much. but thats besides the fact. i was merely the girl who is slow in reaction. it was all a hi and bye to me for her when we met and left. other than that, it was complete ( well, nearly ) silence all the time. i was quite frightened then.
i hope you dont take it to heart. and. . i really didnt mean this to occur. there`s nothing else i can add on. but really, i would love to see a msg from you soon (:
sandra, im sorry
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
-Wednesday, September 21, 2005
- there`s brian (: the brilliant ice hockey skater
- and faye too d:
Saturday, September 17, 2005
-Saturday, September 17, 2005
HAPPY BIRTHDAY M-U-M-M-Y ! <3
__________________________
i spent a TOTALLY crazy day with faye today. its my mum`s birthday and she hasnt been home since last night, until i saw here today in the afternoon. she asked if i could go ice skating with her and her bf and blahblah. unfortunately, i already had plans to go trim my hair and then out with faye to library.
eventually, it was decided that faye came ice skating with us at jurong. I CANT BELIEVE I WENT SKATING WITH HER ! lol. she also say weird ha ha. had an enjoyable time there larh. and we met a guy called shawn - a powerful skater. he has great skills. actually, it wasnt me. it was faye lol. i remember he gave her keropok. and she was so worried about it. freaking hilarious alr. after that, me and her decided look koji up since we were around that area. took us like ages to find his work place ! the entire area was damn complicated larh. terrible x: but he should feel honoured lor. that we spent such a long time walking just to find the correct place in the west of sg when we stay east. in the end, found out that he and that shawn guy are actually friends too ! such qiao-ness.
and as usual, transport home was train from potong pasir to dhoby gaut. then cab home. cause you-know-why. -looks at faye- dont be suspicious x:
Thursday, September 15, 2005
-Thursday, September 15, 2005
exactly like a wolf in sheep`s clothing, giving me that innocent impression thats of false appearance now that i know - it was obviously a deliberate lie. thanks so much.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
-Wednesday, September 14, 2005
as those horror-ful thoughts or unwillingness to even listen in class and uncountable fears that
live within me. desperately hoping i`ll do well this time. and get my promotion to sec4. good luck to me, rachel.
Sunday, September 11, 2005
-Sunday, September 11, 2005
is it that difficult to appreciate someone who`s trying to be nice and forgiving ? i thought it isnt. but unfortunately, some arent. ): oh well, it isnt as if i didnt try to make the friendship better. wouldnt it be nicer then ? rather than you live in guilt. im sure you cant run forever. . or pretend you dont know what i was referring to. here i am, trying to severe a friendship of hope, but all you give me is the i-dont-care attitude. and i dont like it. sigh
Saturday, September 10, 2005
-Saturday, September 10, 2005
Its as good as none.
I never forget what i see. thats for one thing. undefined confusion in me. please help me erase that ugly memory - never did i expect
although i may seem blur, but i am not stupid. some stone-hearted people just dont have the sense of guilt.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
-Thursday, September 08, 2005
our very first proper outing since 0201'05 ((:
-0609'05
-Thursday, September 08, 2005
living my fantasy as my dreams smash before my eyes. i go gaga over sweet nothings of empty promises and false words. as comments drift pass me and i slowly float away unknowingly to the dark side of life with such ruthlessness of sufferings, i tolerate with patience. gradually and silently, one after another. . i die out of energy i once happily was filled with
can someone change all these reality of remorse back to my once ever-so-perfect life ? . . i guess not. as of what i have lost a year back, it surely can never be replaced again. it makes me regret each time i am reminded of it. time heals all wounds, but unexpectedly, why doesnt it heal mine ? . . if only there was even another chance for us. perhaps i should be thankful enough for that short-termed happiness i once had
knowing that ' it`ll ' never be that perfect again, gives me that demoralised feeling once again. i can pull myself through anything whether through think or thin, rain or shine. im definate to never turn unfaithful towards my decision of life.
and you. those wonderful years that you`ve given me were more than what i`ve ever wanted. and indeed, it naturally puts a smile across my face simply thinking of it (:
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as for my great jiee and korr - san and leo respectively, never did i expect my reaction towards their kind intentions of purely great advise, to be so ungrateful. i`ve regreted and found myself apologising to them out of guilt. hope they didnt feel affected by me. although given the harsh words, i think it wont help me much. what can help me, is probably for me to learn the hard way. although that will perhaps, cause me to sink deeper in - probably never to surface as brightly again. but i guess its the wrong thinking i have on my part. confused as i am, im left with no other choice or way out. ' bu er fa men ' the chinese phrase as they say. but then again, there`s aways a solution to everything. hopefully, all will turn out well and the sun will shine for me once more. similarly like the beautiful rainbow will always appear again from its place behind the clouds after the storm. (:
an ungrateful girl i am to san and leo. hope you two dont feel disappointed in me. and i`ve realised how very stubborn and stupid i am in my actions. selfish too. not having the ability to bring myself to face reality and learn from my mistakes. thus, the hatred in myself as anger invades me simultaneously. cant control such emotions, sadly ):
Monday, September 05, 2005
-Monday, September 05, 2005
It strucked me, that it wasnt truly. just like a test of my ability to carry on. as for me, life is a chore. and definitely a bore it is, what can i do but live everyday as it comes. its the best thing to do - yesterday doesnt matter anymore to me, as far as i care. yet the past, present and future are what i have to go through and unable to escape from. everyday is a gift from god that i live on. with family and friends are what matter most to me now. . this is what my life is as it all seems to be
I wish that ' it`ll ' all go away this instant and that when tmr morning comes, all is forgotten once again. and how i managed to endure the torture of unhappiness and pain inside of me will be all gone. what beholds the future is how i overcome them (:
But even as part and parcel of this curse, somehow i feel that its getting worse ):
Friday, September 02, 2005
-Friday, September 02, 2005
how glad was i when i had known we`ve parted as i read the words of what said ' in a relationship '. at first sight, i felt cheated. and at first thought, for some weird apparent reason, my heart sank - filled with much jealousy. i guess it hadnt changed much larh. however, thinking again, i felt cheated. probably this is simply a test to see my ability to hold on ? well, i dont know. maybe its none.
perhaps he really is. but i dont know, even on msn. the pm. really caught my eye. and for that split second, i felt my blood run cold. or boil ? its a really undescribable feeling i cant express. not with anger, but something else. i dont know what it is either, - just, something else.
and the so very good reason for ' it ' was because of his love for ' someTHING else ' so be it. what am i ? an extra ? and now, the ' someTHING else ' is no longer important than this new person i see ? very funny. to think i`ve ever trusted this person in my life time and time again. of empty promises he`s made, that somehow or rather turned out to be my fault. im sorry rachel, i have to do this to you, myself again.
