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Sunday, April 30, 2006
-Sunday, April 30, 2006
contented after bm ((:
-Sunday, April 30, 2006
walking home. .
-Sunday, April 30, 2006
A pretty past - flawless. Was a happy child.
. . All these didn`t sustain. Thus, a no longer.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
-Saturday, April 29, 2006
I never was allegic to prawns. Neither have I ever dreamt that I`d be. I was having lunch and all was fine until I had my first bite of prawn mee. I felt my mouth hurt but I didn`t bother much. Then, I headed to the room to dry my hair, and as I took a quick glance at myself in the mirror. What I saw was indeed an utter shock that made me think what in the world was happening to me.
All around my mouth, the skin seemed to swell like nobody`s business. I was freaked out ! What was this ?! I called for my mum who was waiting for me. ( She was supposed to give me a lift out later to the bus stop )She was in her room using the computer.
Me : Do you have any sort of medicine or cream that may cease or even better, stop my swelling ?
She : ( either too busy or not bothered at all to even look up at me to take a look ) I don`t have larh ! You think I doctor or what ?!
Me : ( still trying to control that temper inside me ) Okay. So can you tell Jacky that I can`t make it for the appointment of the haircut later ? I don`t think I wanna go already.
We were by now, in the hall and the lights were on.
She : It`s not that bad what. Then don`t tell me you don`t wanna go tuition too ?
Me : Yarh. Look at me ! If you were me, would you even dare to step out of the house ? ( I was devastated and pointing at my mouth that seemed invaded with millions of rashes all around it. )
She : Okay larh ! What did you eat just now ?
Just then, my maid just came out from the kitchem to join us in the hall.
Me : The fried prawn mee she cooked lor
Maid , Goria : Aiyoh. . I see you`re mouth ? . . Okay what. Look like my pimple.
Me : NO it isn`t ! SEE ? It`s some sort of rashes. And it`s very painful and itchy too.
Mum : I think it`s because of the fried prawn mee larh
Me : But I never was allegic to prawns
Goria : And I didn`t give her any prawns
Me : But just now before I eat, I was still okay. Until after that, I went to dry my hair, then I noticed all those rash near my mouth. So it has to be. And maybe I am allegic.
Sigh. I flared up totally after my mum left home again. This time to my grandma and maid. Cause neither wanted to leave the house to accompany me to the polyclinic at bedok. And I didn`t dare to go walking around bedok in such a bad state. It was 1145 then and when I checked my card, it stated that the polyclinic closes at 1230. I had wanted to rush down by cab. But my grandma had not bathed yet. So it`s okay. I asked Goria, she said no immediately. She say too rush. Anyway polyclinic is so much cheaper than the others, I had told her. And that I didn`t mind paying for the cab fare cause overall, the total price would still be cheaper. Those private clinics, go in already got like $20 or what lo.
She keep saying no. Then after awhile of thought, she finally agreed. But I was too fed up and annoyed at everything by then. ( Not just today`s issue but my family, friends and studies too. I`m dead worried about everything recently, I got no idea why. ) So i began shouting " NO ! I don`t want to go already. You also don`t wanna go what. So why should I force you ?! " My grandma overheard. She asked me why like that ? And to go see a doctor lor. Again, my anger was on the rise and I continued in frustration, " My mouth rot also I don`t care ! I DON`T WANT TO GO ALREADY. "
I don`t know why I became like that. It`s like just recently. It`s very seldom that I`m like that to my folks. But sometimes, like today, probably when I can`t take the hurt, sorrow and stress that`s coming, I`ll go crazy. I`ll start getting short-tempered and irritatated at even the slightest thing. Or when I don`t get my way. I think I just can`t accept the ultimate change in my life. That my family`s apart. My dad`s getting poorer day by day. My friends seemed to be leaving slowly one by one. Especially closed ones. And my MYE is round the corner which I feel that I`ve not done enough on my part of studying. ETC.
Despaired. I`m probably just a distant shadow in everyone`s lives.
____________________________
Was complaining to syl about myself.
I never knew I was allegic to prawns ! says:
aiyah i very frustrated today again man
I never knew I was allegic to prawns ! says:
i don`t know what`s got into me recently
*~*SÝLvÉsTëR*~* DJ Royster™© says:
why
*~*SÝLvÉsTëR*~* DJ Royster™© says:
just some mood swing la..
*~*SÝLvÉsTëR*~* DJ Royster™© says:
its normal and common to me
I never knew I was allegic to prawns ! says:
nope. it isn`t
*~*SÝLvÉsTëR*~* DJ Royster™© says:
it shuld be
I never knew I was allegic to prawns ! says:
nah. you never knew what happened at home just now
I never knew I was allegic to prawns ! says:
did i realised that i had rashes, I began flaring up at everyone that came my way
I never knew I was allegic to prawns ! says:
probably because i felt no one seemed to care.
I never knew I was allegic to prawns ! says:
and that ' I`m just a shower in everyone`s lives '
I never knew I was allegic to prawns ! says:
shawdow
I never knew I was allegic to prawns ! says:
shahow
I never knew I was allegic to prawns ! says:
DAMN
I never knew I was allegic to prawns ! says:
shadow
*~*SÝLvÉsTëR*~* DJ Royster™© says:
its ok..
I never knew I was allegic to prawns ! says:
no it isn`t
I never knew I was allegic to prawns ! says:
nothing is
I never knew I was allegic to prawns ! says:
and it never was *
Like even the ' shadow ' word I could get so irritated already. Imagine me ! ):
* some parts cut off and with permission from syl. I`m not that bad as some people all the time.
Friday, April 28, 2006
-Friday, April 28, 2006
Credits go to BRYAN CHUNG and JAMES CO ((:They saved my blog from the attack of Mars ! HA. -.-
Fact is, I was meddling with my blog. Hands got itchy I supposed, was playing around with the codes and somehow I screwed it up totally ! When I went to view it, was like WTH, the navis don`t work and the mainpage`s gone. I was stunned. Shocked. Desperate. Irritated. Annoyed. Worried. Helpless. And most of all, I needed help.
Bryan wasn`t online, Alvin my blog expert was busy revising I THINK. Else, preparing to go out soon. Then as I desperately scrolled down my msn contact list, I found James ! Woohoo ! Lucky he`s there ((: I`m saved.
Well, James did help me, spent several hours on my stupid blog. Very kind. I`m so glad he could help. Then, at nine, he said he needed to do some stuffs so I seeked for another person but to no avail. Sad. Went to watch my tvie. Chat with noelle over the phone for nearly an hour and when i came back, saw BRYAN sign in. HA . My saviour. ( I do sound pretty desperate right ? LOL )
He did help me too. James came back again soon after, and help me too -so lucky- he hee. Finally, few minutes passed, all was done ! I`m so glad. I really am (: Bryan got it right for me. He`s pretty smart, I should say. Despite not using blogger, he`s still able to figure out what went wrong with my html codes. heh. And the mistake was minor yet difficult to spot x: James and I were like ' AW, so THAT was it ' ha ha.
Nevermind that, what matters is that my blog`s alright now d:
THANK YOU GUYS !!
-Friday, April 28, 2006
Our casual talks are like quarrels. I just don`t understand why I`m like this to my family.
And my close friends seemed to have dispersed, disappearng gradually and found new ones. .
EMO me. ):
Thursday, April 27, 2006
-Thursday, April 27, 2006
Finally, I`ve decided to start to post the photos I`ve collected from the past months ! HA HA. Once and for all. So, be prepared to view a long series of photos below ya. LOL. (:
URGH ! That untidy hair without wax ):
-Thursday, April 27, 2006
Comparing heights while waiting for KangTeck. That`s Kenneth PHOON and Rendy CHNG
-Thursday, April 27, 2006
Rendy`s on the phone with his gf
-Thursday, April 27, 2006
The water bottle is there for a purpose ! LOL
-Thursday, April 27, 2006
Me and Koji. Okay, this was taken damn long ago. ha ha
-Thursday, April 27, 2006
Next five photos were taken at my late ahma`s wake. . Few weeks back.
I know we shouldn`t be taking this but. . I wasn`t the photographer ! x:
-Thursday, April 27, 2006
My siblings
-Thursday, April 27, 2006
With YueXi and Steff.
-Thursday, April 27, 2006
Lenard had something growing on his right eye. See ! He`s trying to hide it away
-Thursday, April 27, 2006
Eating tausuan. By the way, the uncle at the back is Shawn Han`s dad lol
-Thursday, April 27, 2006
On our first outing together then. Though we all knew each other for like years ? Poor SX had his face halved x:
-Thursday, April 27, 2006
Shiyun did this to my finger With her finger. LOL
-Thursday, April 27, 2006
My class is freaking small ! See Salva`s hand high up ? LOL
-Thursday, April 27, 2006
Faye and I
Sunday, April 23, 2006
-Sunday, April 23, 2006
-raises voice in an irritated manner-
WHY DO I HAVE TO HAVE SUCH A BITCHY HUN ?! ):
can he be better ? HA.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
-Tuesday, April 18, 2006
F ather
A nd
M other
I
L ove
Y ou
oh yes i do
_____________________________________________
however, our story ends shortly here as at today 1804'06
Sunday, April 16, 2006
-Sunday, April 16, 2006
GRACE.
My cousin.
I`ve grown closer to her since my grandma`s funeral. She`s taught me mahjong. We went snooker zone. We hung out even after the funeral days were over. Me and my sis slept over. She`ll be living alone now that my ahma`s passed away. She`s so brave. And most importantly, concerned and caring too. Just like an older sis. She`s been my idol.
Left me and my sis her number, afraid that we will not be alright. Offering herself to be that someone whom we can confide our troubles in and the one to look for when we have problems of any sort of difficulties in life.
She knew about our parents.
Nice girl she is. Although only 22, she`s matured and thoughtful. Her family`s gone back to HK just this morning. That explains why she`s gotta stay alone. In TPY. Where my late grandma used to live.
Very brave.
-Sunday, April 16, 2006
Fragile. Cast me aside, and let my delicate heart frail. I`ll learn how to die.
You will breathe with ease.
___________________________
Inevitable as it seems, life`s been a chaotic mess.
No one sees.
No one knows.
All the more, depression sinks deep in within.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
-Saturday, April 08, 2006
It was such a pity. That before I could make a last visit to her in hospital, she passed away early this morning.
My ahma.
Although we can`t communicate well due to our difference in language of speaking, I can tell she still greatly cared for my siblings and me too. Constantly asking how are we doing with our school work etc. She was a nice lady, old, weak but kind at heart. Never did I come to realise her little forms of care she`s often shown towards us of which I had never appreciated much, is actually a token of love from her. I`ve greatly regretted my poor attitude towards her and how bad a granddaughter I`ve been too all these years. It was only until today when I felt sorry for what I`ve done
It`s this guilty feeling I get inside me when I start to think back of those memories I had of her, lingering stagnantly at the back of my head. Only until today, these memories, little but meaningful, come flowing back to me slowly as I thought of how rude I`ve been to her in the past - when she was still alive. When she starts speaking to me in hokkien, I would look at her for awhile and then turn to my dad and ask him what she said cause I can barely make any sense out of her words. I, in return will reply to her in mandarin shortly and try to smile although I know how fake it looks. I`ve always found it boring to visit her at the hospital and occassionally when my dad asks us if we wanna go visit her, we all wouldn`t go. She`s been hospitalised ever since before cny and we`ve only visited her once which lasted less then twenty minutes. I know it was very mean of us.
As I recall years ago, there were times when we used to visit her at the hospital as a whole family. She would often talk to us in a kind and concerned tone asking us about our studies again as always. But all we would do is to stare at her blankly then. It was probably because of our difference in language that we speak. I speak english while she speaks hokkien.
Few weeks back, my cousin suddenly msged me. We went on to talking about ah ma.
I : how is ah ma ?
He : she`s very very sick, why you like never go visit her ?
I : yea. I know. we`ve only like visited her once and that was around cny period.
He : wha. we often go visit her. At least once a week
It was only then that I felt so guilty. That my cousins had been visiting her regularly while, I ? Only once. And now, deep inside of me, I feel the pain and how my ahma probably felt about me and my siblings. Of how unfilial we are. Sigh. It was depressing to know that she`s passed away now and I didn`t even get to talk to her for the last time even when I want to right now. It`s all too late now. As I stood quietly by her coffin, I saw her familiar face - upset but in peace. Devastating, it is. But what can I do about it now ? I had wanted to visit ahma ever since my cousin told me she was seriously ill but found no time to do so. Was initially waiting for my dad too but he went overseas only to rush back this morning after hearing the unexpected news of her death. Never did I expect her to leave so early too. It was, I heard, due to cancer but she was lucky in a way to have died peacefully in her sleep. Now that we`ve lost her this morning, 0804'06 around 5.30am or so, did I feel that I`ve lost someone close to my heart as well. Although I`ve never thought I`d feel this way towards her death but, I did.
The only thing I felt I could do now for her, is to attend all her wakes faithfully and help fold those insense paper to be burnt for her. After math tuition today with rendy at eunos, I rushed home to meet my bro where we took a cab down to tpy. Rendy was kind to me since and after every ten minutes or so during tuition, he`d ask he out of concern if I was alright. It was like one of the last thing I expected to hear from him but thanks anyway ! He was very nice. Elmo was too. Although I`ve asked him to come to the wake tomorrow but he claims that he don`t know how to react at such events so he don`t think he`ll want to come. But thanks for asking me if I was fine too and that sincere apology.
Anyway, saw salva at tpy just now too.
Oh yes, for those who wanna come tmr. It`s at tpy lorong 1, block157`s void deck. I`ll be there.
___________________________________
Sorry ahma.
My greatest condolences to you.
I sincerely hope you`d be happy, up above (:
-Saturday, April 08, 2006
And here I am, reminded by my dear friend, Elmo.
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I MISSED YOU OR NOT ? ? ? ?
-slaps elmo-
Can you not be so busy ? ?
Sunday, April 02, 2006
-Sunday, April 02, 2006
I worked today ! It`s Marks and Spencer at Raffles City outlet. And hell ! They have so many staffs and four of us, including me, joined them to help out on the request by HweeTing from HR. And so, there was Julie from Wheelock outlet, she`s 22. And also WuJuan the beautiful from Paragon, she`s 18 I think. Should be in JC 2. Finally, there`s Iza Fatin. Same age as I am. Retained a year in sec3 too. I call her FATIN but she insists on IZA. HOWEVER, I don`t care x: HA HA. Shall rebel against her.
The people there are nice and I finally found out who`s Liz. Yati`s friend. Ha ha. It was fun working there with all the friendly people. And I was to help out with Ladieswear and Lingerie according to Joe. He`s somewhat the guy in charge, I think. And Joanna too.
Oh yes ! I HAVE TO MENTION THAT THE STAFF LOUNGE is BEAUTIFUL ! Very well furnished with pretty tables, and chairs, a sink and two drink machines etc. It's so HUGE compared to PS`. The staff toilet was amazing ! Looked like the type in the shopping mall itself - not at all run-downed or anything as how I had expected it to be. There were four changing roooms too. And the place was just like WOW, a huge difference for me and the other temp staffs.
When I arrived for work, had to go to Marks and Spencer via the staff entrance at the third floor. Walked through this walkway and turned left. Turned left again. Then leave my barang with the security cause I won`t get a locker as I`m only there for a day. Then had to walk straight, turn left, turn right, turn right again and walk through this door and out onto the selling floor of Robinsons. We`re combined. I heard the Robinsons staffs having morning briefing and the brief-er was saying this as I went down the escalator and walked past them. .
' The crystal bra costs $ 210, 000 ! '
I nearly fainted on the spot. That`s like a whole lot of money man ! Probably cost more than a small HDB flat. LOL.
The day, on the overall was fine. Except for the fact that I kept wanting to sit down. Standing for so long was quite a core for me, probably cause i didn`t quite get used to it yet. But still ! It`s just for a day !
P.S Thanks Erica for the pumps ! ((: They`re good.
